SuperRaizy

It's Time For Me To Fly Away

2010-08-05T10:30:00.001-04:00

Oh boy, this is much harder than I thought it would be.

I haven't posted here in a long time and that is because I have been trying to figure out how to say goodbye.
It's been two and a half years since I started SuperRaizy and being part of this little corner of the blogging world has been a really wonderful experience for me. I started blogging because I was feeling sad and lonely and overwhelmed by my responsibilities at work and at home, and the emotional outlet that being part of this community has provided for me has been invaluable. I have learned so much from reading about your challenges and successes, and being exposed to a whole new range of opinions has opened my eyes on a lot of issues. I am a smarter and more tolerant person now because of our discussions.

But most of all, the friendships that I have formed with some of you has been the most amazing part of all. Making friends with people from around the world whom you have never actually met?! Who woulda thunk it? Definitely not me. But strangely enough, there are now men and women in Israel, in France, in Canada, and yes, even in New Jersey that I now consider to be my friends despite the fact that they don't even know my real name. And because I don't want to just walk away, I will be friending some of you on Facebook so we can continue to keep in touch (and hey, if you want to "ignore" me, I'll understand. I'm not looking to invade anyone's personal space).

Now that my children are older (Flash will be starting college in a year!) I have started thinking about my own personal and professional goals. For the first time since my divorce 10 years ago, I am looking forward to the future instead of just feeling stuck in the day-to-day challenges of the present.

I will still be checking in from time to time to see what y'all are up to. And I might post an update or two at some point if anything exciting happens. But for now, I bid you guys adieu and I remain yours truly,

SuperRaizy

I'm Not Afraid Of You!

2010-04-06T21:53:00.001-04:00

Tom Mabe: Eavesdropping

Haveil Havalim: The Lots And Lotsa Matzah Edition

2010-04-04T02:50:00.000-04:00

Brush the crumbs off your beard and brace your aching tummy- it's time for Haveil Havalim again!!!
Started by Soccer Dad and administered by Jack, HH is a weekly roundup of the best posts of the Jewish Blogosphere.
Probably due to the holiday, I received very few submissions this week for HH, so I conducted my own Bedikat Hablogs and selected some additional posts that I thought you might enjoy.

So How's Your Pesach Going?
Baila is enjoying her vacation.
G6 is battling the matzah crumbs at Guess Who's Coming To Dinner.
All of Elliot Jaffe's children managed to stay awake throughout the seder at Weekend Hospitality.
Seraphic Secret shows us what happens when Karen Koshers Keilim.
Frum Satire presents Rules for NYers Visiting Miami for Pesach, Passover Price Gouging, and My First days of Pesach Were Awesome.
Hadassah's son held her hand and melted her heart.
RivkA tells us about her family's vacation in Eilat over at Coffee and Chemo.
Batya at Shiloh Musings attended the Passover Festival at Tel Shiloh (with pictures!)
The Rebbetzin's Husband visited Central Park.
Shosh won A Prestigious Award right before Pesach at Day By Glorious Day.
The Subjugated Wife directs her outrage at certain smug patronizing men in My Annual Passover Rant (you tell 'em!)
And Our Shiputzim discusses the annual problem of conflicting haggadahs.

Pesach- It's What's For Dinner
Esser Agaroth offers us a Qitniyoth Wrap-Up.
According to Rafi G., Israeli Arabs love to eat matzah with chocolate sauce.
The beautiful women of the J-Blogosphere present some delicious kosher-for-pesach recipes: radish salad from Leora, eggplant caponata from Ilana Davita, swiss chard rollups from Israeli Kitchen, mina de maza from Baronness Tapuzina, and chocolate biscotti, matzoh balls in Persian fruit soup, cranberry charoset, and mushroom croquettes all from Cafe Liz.
A Blob Of Something Different reminds us that Pesach is really all about freedom in Let's Free Ourselves.

Nu, So What's Been Happening In Israel?
A televised debate between Hamas and Fatah leads The Israel Situation to discuss their tendency to Blame It On The Occupation. Eric also notes a bit of irony in The White House Seder.
It's a Passover miracle! (heavy sarcasm) A Palestinian teenager that was reportedly killed by the IDF is alive and well and back home with his family in Gaza. See The Muqata for all of the ridiculous details.
Soccer Dad discusses The Twisted Logic Of The Peace Process.
Oleh Girl discloses that Amnesty International Partners Up With Terrorists And Jihad.
On a more personal note, A Soldier's Mother shows us how much the Israeli Army cares for its soldiers and for their families in Are You Chaim's Mother?
and Treppenwitz shares the appalling story of his lost cell phone.

Other Good Stuff (or: it's getting late and I'm tired so I need to finish this up)
Material Maidel asks a question that made me laugh out loud.
Jack reminisces about hanging out with the friends of his youth.
Wolfish Musings discusses How To End Some Torah/Science Disputes and shows us a beautiful shot of the Hudson River at sunset.
And for the mathematically challenged among us, Ima On And Off The Bima provides an "omer counter" to help us get through the next seven weeks.

That's all, folks. Submit your fave article or blog post to next week's edition of HH by using the carnival submission form. To volunteer to host a future edition of HH, contact Jack.

Hosting HH This Week

2010-03-31T11:25:00.000-04:00

Just got back from a lovely (but rainy) Yom Tov by my sister's house in Long Island. It was nice to spend time with her and, like always, our kids thoroughly enjoyed being together. Supermangirl did a great job of keeping up with us at the seder (a first for her) and she got to engage in a 2 day Monopoly marathon with her cousin, who informed me that there is a version of Monopoly which features solid gold playing pieces, diamond encrusted dice and real cash and which costs "$27 billion dollars". I don't know what he's talking about but he's pretty cute, so whatever.

Anyway, I'll be hosting Haveil Havalim this Sunday, so be sure to send your posts in ASAP. You can submit posts here. If you'd like to host a future edition of HH, please let Jack know.

Playing Ghost

2010-03-29T11:13:00.002-04:00

Yesterday, my mother boarded an El Al flight to join my brother and his family in Israel for the holiday. She was so relieved not to have to do any Pesach cleaning or cooking of her own. When I was little, preparing for Pesach was a major headache for my Mom. With 5 kids, a full time job, and barely enough money to cover the added costs, she had to work long into the night to get everything ready on time. To add insult to injury, my father a"h, who tended to get very jittery and irritable before holidays, would rush around the kitchen trying to help, which ticked her off even further. We children knew to stay out of the kitchen before the inevitable meltdown occurred. One year, this took the form of my mother throwing a wet sponge at my father's head; another time, she threatened to drown him in the chicken soup if he didn't get out of her way. My father, who loved my mother more than anything in the world, always looked shocked and hurt and would protest feebly that he was just trying to help. We would shake our heads sadly and gently lead my dad out of the kitchen, marveling that after all these years he still hadn't learned his lesson.

Eventually my Mom would declare the kitchen "finished" and we would all assemble in the living room to prepare for Bedikat Chametz (searching for chametz) just before midnight. By this point, my mother was so exhausted and so eager to get the kids to bed that she would urge my father to "stop with the narishkeit already and just go play ghost". As my father wandered around the dark house clutching a lit candle and looking for the 10 pieces of bread that we had hid moments earlier, my mother would mutter darkly under her breath. The moment the ceremony was over, we were rushed off to bed.

My siblings and I never viewed these proceedings as being unpleasant or traumatic. We thought the whole process was funny, and sometimes we would lay bets as to how long it would take before my mother started threatening my father with a dishwater bath. Now as adults, all 5 of us still refer to Bedikat Chametz as "playing ghost". I thought of my parents last night as I watched Flash lead his sisters around the house looking for the 10 pieces of bread. As they came downstairs, Supermangirl excitedly announced "Ma, we did really great this year! We found eleven pieces of bread!" Flash shook his head in exasperation (apparently the girls had hidden 11 pieces instead of the required 10) but all I thought was "a new generation, but still the same old chaos".

I hope you all enjoyed playing ghost in your houses, and that you and your families are able to leave the chaos of preparation behind and enjoy a peaceful and stress-free holiday.

Chag Sameach!!!

No Longer A Virgin

2010-03-23T07:15:00.002-04:00

About two weeks ago, I finally took the plunge.

After sitting on the sidelines watching my friends, my nieces, and my teenage son doing it, I decided that it looked like fun and that I wanted to join in.

So I did it.

I joined Facebook. I am no longer a Facebook virgin! (Wait a second... what did you people think I meant?)

Anyway, this Facebook thing is fun. Admittedly, it's an even bigger time suck than blogging is, but I've managed to reconnect with people I thought I would never speak to again. So far, I've "friended" 14 old classmates, two cousins that I never actually see, an old boyfriend, and my best friend from Israel who I lost touch with 10 years ago.

It seems that many people spend a lot of their Facebook time running some kind of weird farm and hunting down Mafia rivals. I'm not interested in that at all. I just want to hear how my friends are doing.

So if I've appeared to be a bit absent from the blogosphere, it's because a new love has been taking up my free time. But I would never turn my back on you guys (awww shucks). I'll be back real soon, because I've answered Jack's call to arms and will be hosting the Chol Hamoed Pesach edition of Haveil Havalim. First one to correctly guess what I'll be naming that edition of HH gets a big ol' kiss from SuperRaizy.

Y'all come back then, you hear?

Any Computer Experts Out There?

2010-03-11T20:41:00.004-05:00

HELP!
I upgraded to Explorer 8, and now my e-mail contact list has been wiped out. I had dozens of e-mail addresses of friends and family and colleagues- now I have none. Is there any way to restore my contacts so that I can send e-mails again?

Helping Slow Readers

2010-03-08T19:24:00.002-05:00

New blogger Rachel Ann has some good advice for parents who want to help their children become skillful readers. Check out her post at Me Ani.

Don't Try This At Home, Ladies

2010-03-05T08:08:00.002-05:00

Sometimes, you just really want to kill your husband. Believe me, I know the feeling. But this woman went a little too far:

A Long Island mother of four has been arrested after offering to pay a hitman $20,000 to kill her husband. On February 19, Susan Williams approached a confidential source and informed him that she wanted to have her husband, Peter Williams, murdered and that she wanted the source to arrange it, according to Nassau County District Attorney Kathleen Rice.
Instead of finding a hitman, the source contacted the DA’s Office.
On February 23, while under audio surveillance, the source called Williams to tell her that he could arrange a meeting with a hitman. The meeting took place five days later with an undercover Nassau County detective posing as the hitman.
During the meeting, Williams said that she and her husband were in the middle of divorce proceedings and that she wanted him dead.
Williams was told by the undercover detective that it would cost her $20,000 to have her husband killed. At a March 3 meeting between the two where she was given numerous opportunities to back out, Williams handed the undercover detective a photo of her husband, his home and work address, license plate number, and a provided a $500 down payment.
(Source: MSNBC.com)

Jeezarooni. This woman has 4 kids, and now she's facing a possible sentence of up to 25 years in prison. As horrible as she thought her husband and her marriage were, her future is looking a lot more horrible. Did she honestly think she would get away with this? This strikes me as being some pretty bad decision making on her part.
When I was waiting for my get, a certain ultra-frumie cousin of mine generously offered me $100,000 cash to "get rid of the problem". Super-naive me asked "What do you mean?" He answered "Use the cash to buy him off or to knock him off. Your choice." While I was tempted, I declined my cousin's lovely offer and stayed on the right side of the law. I'm glad I did. I wouldn't want to be sharing a prison cell for 25 years with Susan Williams.

2010-02-28T09:45:00.003-05:00

FROM YOUR FRIENDS AT CASA SUPERRAIZY

Please Daven For Our Friend

2010-02-25T20:41:00.002-05:00

We just got some terrible news. A man we know, a truly modest man who gives very generously to tzedakah and who treats all those around him with courtesy and respect, has suffered a massive stroke and is currently in very critical condition at a local hospital. His wife and children and his parents, as well as his community, are very worried.
My children and I were lucky enough to be hosted by him and his wife for two Shabbat weekends, and no one has ever treated us with more warmth and kindness than they have.
At this point, the only thing that we can do for him is get as many people as possible to pray for his recovery. Please take a moment to join your prayers with ours, and if you can add his name to your shul's or yeshiva's Tehillim list, we would be grateful.
Please pray for the health of Nissan Nutta ben Chava.

Protecting Our Kids

2010-02-24T19:10:00.000-05:00

A pediatrician in Delaware has been accused of sexually molesting 103 children over a 12 year period. Dr. Earl Bradley was indicted Monday on 471 counts of rape and sexual assault of a minor. Some of the victims were just a few months old. Police found more than 13 hours of video tape that showed multiple incidents of child sexual abuse, including one assault on a 2 year old that was described by an investigating officer as "one of the most violent and brutal attacks on a child of any age" that he had ever seen. Some of the tapes show Bradley "muzzling" screaming children who tried to escape.

Apparently, Bradley would take children downstairs to a basement playroom and would attack them there while their parents and other patients waited in nearby rooms. When one mother was asked why she allowed her daughter to be alone with Bradley, she replied that she trusted Bradley because he was a doctor.

I thought that was very odd. Pediatricians normally never ask to be alone with their patients. It is understood that a parent or caregiver will accompany the child into the exam room. A pediatrician who asks parents to wait outside while he examines their child is very unusual, and the request should raise a red flag that something is not right here. (The exception to this rule is when adolescents visit the pediatrician. The doctor might offer to counsel a teenager about birth control, venereal diseases, or substance abuse, and most kids would be more comfortable discussing these issues without a parent present. But this is entirely at the discretion of the patient and his parent. No doctor should ever ban a parent from the room. I always stay in the exam room with my girls at the doctor or dentist office. I stopped acompanying Flash about two years ago, as per his very reasonable request. No teenage boy wants his Mommy in the room when the doctor is examining him. Besides, Flash has an offbeat sense of humor and thinks it's funny when our pediatrician- who is not Jewish and has a largely non-Jewish clientele- lectures him about using condoms and not dropping out of high school. "You gotta stay outside Ma, or the paranoid doctor won't talk to me about the good stuff." Far be it from me to cramp his style.)

I think it should be obvious to everyone at this point that we have to be extremely careful whom we allow to be alone with our small children. Sometimes even the most trustworthy people can't be trusted.

Disrupting The Dance

2010-02-21T09:34:00.006-05:00

Update: My mom called to say that the show was beautiful and that she really enjoyed it. She said that there were only a few "pathetic-looking" protestors there and she was shocked to discover that some of them were Jewish. She also said that there were a lot of police officers around "just in case".

Back in October, while talking to my mom, I saw that she was feeling kind of down and stressed out. I wanted to do something to cheer her up but wasn't sure how. When I found out that the Israel Ballet was coming to the States to perform for the first time in 25 years, I thought "jackpot!" My mother LOVES ballet. She studied ballet as a child (come to think of it, I've never really told you much about my mother's childhood... I really should, it's fascinating) but she hasn't had many opportunities to attend ballet shows. Then I found out that the Israel Ballet would be performing Don Quixote (one of my mom's all-time favorite stories) right here at the performing arts center at Brooklyn College. Yeah, baby. I was SO getting those tickets.

And so I did. I bought two tickets, for my mom and her husband, and gave them to her as a Chanukah present. She was really happy, and has been looking forward to seeing the show, which is scheduled for this afternoon.

But as we all know, man makes plans and pro-Palestinian protesters ruin them. Jameel has posted that the Israel Ballet's performance in Vermont this past Friday was interrupted by protesters from Adalah-NY: The Coalition For Justice in the Middle East, and that they are planning to disrupt today's performance at Brooklyn College as well. Apparently, they feel that accusing Americans who wish to watch a ballet of "supporting Israel's apartheid policy" and "covering up war crimes" is a perfectly reasonable and justifiable action to take. I called my mother to warn her that her long-anticipated pleasant afternoon at the theater was going to be marred by a bunch of deluded, self-hating anti-semitic lunatics who think that turning their backs on their own people and advocating for Israel's enemies constitutes "justice". She was not pleased (but like any good New Yorker, began to worry that the protest would make it even harder to find a parking spot). I then called the security office at Brooklyn College, who assured me that they knew about the protest and would have security there.

I appreciate the heads up from Jameel, and I really hope that those goons let my mom and the other patrons enjoy the show in peace.

Maybe They Are Listening After All

2010-02-17T18:42:00.002-05:00

Last night, while eating dinner, Wonderwoman began to tease Supermangirl about a phone call that she had just received from a boy in her class.
Wonderwoman: So, do you like Avi?*
Supermangirl: He's OK.
W: Is he like, your boyfriend or something?
S (annoyed): No!
W: Well, maybe he could be your boyfriend. Is he handsome?
S: I don't know. What difference does it make?
W: Because you want a boyfriend who's good looking.
S: Yeah, well, that's not the only important thing. He also has to be smart and nice and treat you with respect.
W (chastened): That's true.

Is it possible? Could it be that all of my lectures are not totally in vain?

*Name has been changed to protect the innocent

What The Hell Is Chuck Wagon Bagoo?

2010-02-14T20:13:00.002-05:00

When Flash was in elementary school, among the soggy wads of crumpled papers that I would fish out from the bottom of his hellaciously messy backpack, I would find the monthly school lunch menu. This was a colored sheet of paper that would list the components of the government subsidized hot lunch that was prepared in the school's kitchen by the sweaty, chain smoking female cook. Each day's meal included a protein, a carb, a fruit and a vegetable, as required by the federal regulations that govern the school lunch program. Among the fried chicken nuggets, macaroni and cheese, and canned fruit selections was an item that appeared on the menu at least once a month: Chuck Wagon Bagoo. Not knowing what on earth this could possibly be, I asked Flash. "Oh, puke!" he said in typical 4th grader lingo. "That stuff is the grossest! It makes me want to hurl!" I didn't doubt that this was true, but I still wanted to know what it was. After pressing Flash for more details, he finally described it as "slimy noodles with chunks of horsemeat in gray goopy glopp". Based on this somewhat vivid description, I figured out that Chuck Wagon Bagoo was noodles with meat sauce. I understood the "Chuck" (ground beef) and assumed that "Wagon" just sorta came along to form "chuck wagon". But I never did understand the "Bagoo". All I knew was that my otherwise well-fed son was being given food that made him "want to hurl" on a daily basis.

And it wasn't just Flash's school, of course. Wonderwoman has been taking lunch from home for years because she refuses to eat the food provided in the cockroach infested school lunchroom. I'm sure that children in many other local yeshivas are also eating poor quality food prepared in unsanitary school kitchens. What's surprising is how infrequently we hear yeshiva parents complaining about the lousy food that their children are receiving.

In contrast, the quality of the meals served in public schools has been under scrutiny for quite some time. School districts across the country have been making serious efforts to provide fresher and more nutritious meals to students, in the hopes of warding off malnutrition and obesity and increasing the energy and focus of the children. In many cities, high fat and high sodium foods have been replaced by leaner cuts of meat, lowfat dairy products, and fresh fruits and vegetables (instead of canned). But there's still a lot of work to be done. One Illinois public school teacher, who is afraid to divulge her name lest she be fired, has decided to eat the school lunch every day for a year and to blog about it at Fed Up: School Lunch Project. Each day, she lists the components of the "hot lunch" that is served to the students, posts a picture of it, and discusses the taste and temperature of the food and whether or not she found it satisfying. I have to commend her for staying as upbeat as she does, because those pictures look so unappetizing to me, and she frequently notes that the meat is lukewarm, the fruit is still frozen, and the portions are inadequate. I also have to commend her for having the fortitude to eat that stuff at all. As any teacher can tell you, we adults who work in the schools feed these lunches to your children, but we never ever eat it ourselves. That alone ought to tell you something.

Camp Scholarship Available For Midwest Girls

2010-02-08T06:52:00.003-05:00

A small girls camp located in Pennsylvania has received a grant from a donor who would like to help children from Jewish communities in the Mid-West attend orthodox summer camp. This scholarship is available to children from Jewish communities of fewer than 3000 people in the following states: Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Kansas, Michigan, Minnesota, Missouri, Nebraska, North Dakota, Ohio, South Dakota and Wisconsin.
I can personally vouch for the professionalism and warmth with which this camp is run. If anyone is interested in this scholarship opportunity, please e-mail me for more information.

So How Did The Pie Turn Out?

2010-01-31T16:01:00.006-05:00

Thank you to all those who left a comment on my previous post. We went through with the original plan. I bought a frozen pie crust, baked it in the oven for 20 minutes, and had the girls spoon a 6-pack of chocolate pudding into it. They then spooned some Cool Whip on top of it (kudos to the commenters who reminded me to add a whipped topping, I had forgotten about that part) and then chilled it in the frig for an hour. This how it came out:

Ok, so they added way too much Cool Whip. It was a gloppy mess, difficult to cut and messy to serve. But they loved it. The three of them sat at the table, spooning this garbage into their mouths and moaning with pleasure. I was too turned off to even taste it. Happy kids. Mission accomplished.

I don't know what the deal is with the weird date stamp on the photo. I guess we have to reset that on the digital camera.

A Question About Pie

2010-01-28T19:54:00.003-05:00

My kids want me to bake them a chocolate cream pie. I absolutely hate to bake and have never made a pie in my life. If I bought a prepared pie crust from the supermarket and spooned some Swiss Miss chocolate pudding into it, would it taste the same?

The Apple iPad

2010-01-27T19:16:00.003-05:00

Steve Jobs unveiled the new Apple iPad touch screen tablet computer today. There was so much media hype leading up to the great reveal that I was sure that the thing would break new ground in personal computing. Based on what I've read so far, that doesn't seem to be the case. The tablet looks like a giant iPhone and functions in a similar way. The price ranges from $499-$829, depending on capability. You can read reviews of the iPad here and here. The graphics and the touchscreen capabilities are just gorgeous:

What do you think? Is this something that you would spend hundreds of dollars on?

Your Balance Is...

2010-01-26T20:20:00.000-05:00

Last month, on Chanukah, I caved. Months and months of kvetching and pleading from Flash and Wonderwoman led me to finally agree to add texting to their cellphones. I had resisted up until that point (despite the fact that all their friends have it and this is so unfair and OMG, Ma, it's not like it's still 1923 like when you were a kid) because I felt that they had enough high-tech distractions available to them already. Of course I was right, but like the good indulgent soft American parent that I am, I finally gave in and called our cellphone provider to add a text messaging bundle to our family plan (I was surprised at how inexpensive it is). The kids agreed to the rules that I laid out (no texting at the table, during homework, or after bedtime, and if I EVER hear that you were texting during class may God have mercy on your souls) and have, to their credit, stuck to the rules without a problem.

Then last week, I got the cellphone bill. I opened the envelope and was shocked to see that my balance was $1715.63!!! My mouth dropped open, I let out an expletive, and I grabbed the phone to call the customer service number. The representative who answered the phone made the following genius statement:
"Good evening, this is Maryanne, thank you for calling T-Mobile. I see that your balance last month was $84.72 and your current balance is $1715.63. Now what can I help you with?"
Take one freakin' guess, Maryanne.

Anyway, after nearly twenty minutes, I managed to convince the cheerful but dim-witted Maryanne that I did indeed add texting to my plan before allowing my children to send over 3000 text messages and that I did not, after 8 years of being a good customer, suddenly decide to go crazy and run up these insane overage charges. She agreed that the omission of my order from their computer system was their fault and not mine, and adjusted the balance and fixed the mistake. We eventually parted on good terms.
But the next morning, I couldn't resist. Knowing that most of the text messages were Wonderwoman's (she's got very little impulse control), I quietly laid the phone bill before her at the breakfast table, pointed to the $1715.63 figure and whispered ominously "What did you do?!" She gasped and spilled her milk all over her shirt. It meant more laundry for me, I suppose, but it was worth it to avenge the months of pleading that she and her brother had subjected me to.

How Sweet Is This?!

2010-01-19T22:20:00.000-05:00

source: Parentdish

Shoppin' Large

2010-01-18T16:35:00.004-05:00

So I just got back from my first ever trip to Costco. My mother has been bugging me for a long time that I spend way too much money buying meat, paper goods, and cleaning products at the local kosher grocery store. She's completely right. My grocery bills are insane (see previous kvetching here) but because I don't have a car, I need to shop locally. So today, in honor of Martin Luther King Day (both my mom and I have the day off on legal holidays), we hit up the Brooklyn Costco. (For all you foreigners out there, Costco is a chain of warehouses that sells everything in bulk from food and paper goods to clothing and electronics. You buy a yearly membership for around $50, and then you can shop as much as you want. Prices are noticeably lower than retail.)

The place is as big as an airport hangar, and it is crammed full of enormous boxes. You hoist these huge boxes into a shopping cart that is the size of a small sofa. The problem is that you can't just buy one or two of an item- everything has to be bought in bulk. I tried to sneak one loaf of bread onto the checkout counter, but the lady promptly took it away and scolded me for breaking up a 6-pack of bread. We spent about 90 minutes there, and walked out with $400 worth of stuff (my very generous mother paid- thanks Mom!)

So right now my living room is littered with 30 rolls of toilet paper, two dozen boxes of tissues, a 350-count bag of paper cups, and shampoo bottles that are too large for me to lift. I have to find space in my freezer for 6 pounds of chicken legs, lots of turkey and some meatballs in sauce (the Brooklyn Costsco has glatt kosher meat). My little house has NO storage space at all (our basement is rented out, there are very few closets, etc.) so I have no idea where I'm going to put all this stuff. Right now Wonderwoman is seated on the toilet paper package, and Flash has been absentmindedly weight-lifting the laundry detergent. If any of you need some extra tissues or soap, feel free to drop by. We've got plenty.

Adding An Extra Prayer

2010-01-14T22:47:00.005-05:00

As details of the horrific aftermath of Tuesday's earthquake filter out of Port-au-Prince, I am reminded how very, very lucky I am to be safe in my own home with my children around me. I always pray after lighting Shabbat candles, but this time, I will add a special prayer for those poor people who are still trapped in the rubble and are probably wondering "meayin yavo ezri" (from where will my salvation come?).

The girl was freed from the rubble shortly after this video aired and was transferred to a hospital for treatment.
Further update: CNN is reporting that the girl subsequently died of her wounds on Friday.

Yiddish With Dick and Jane

2010-01-13T20:42:00.002-05:00

Only this could get me out of my I'msocoldandgrumpyandmyteenagekidsaregettingonmynervesandwhyohwhydoIalwayshavesomuchlaundry?non-bloggingslump:

Attention Parents: Your Kid Is Freezing

2009-12-18T07:57:00.002-05:00

In the afternoons, I work with a special-ed child who attends one of the local MO yeshivot. The children are taken outside for recess every day, despite the temperature, unless it is raining or snowing. I think it's a little bit crazy to send kids out to play for 45 minutes in 30 degree (farenheit) weather, but that's what the school does. Many of the girls come to school wearing flippy little skirts, thin tights or lacy socks, ballet flats, thin cotton shirts without a sweater on top, etc. Their outfits were obviously chosen to be "cute" (and they are) but they do not protect the girls from the freezing temperatures. Many of the kids (boys and girls) do not have hats or gloves. Some of the jackets have broken zippers, so even though we try to zip everyone up before going outside, some of the children run around the playground with their jackets open and half falling off of them. By the time we bring them back in, their skin is frozen and their noses are running.

This morning Supermangirl complained that her class was taken on a short trip yesterday and that she was cold on the bus because she didn't have her hat with her. I felt really bad about that. She wears warm boots and a sweatshirt and a thick coat and gloves every day, but she was still cold. (This morning I made sure that she had her hat with her.)

So parents: please make sure that your child is dressed warmly enough for whatever the day may bring.

(And please, stick a tissue or two in his pocket before he leaves the house. We teachers are really tired of seeing your kids wipe their noses on their sleeves.)

Supermangirl Strikes Again!

2009-12-16T07:49:00.002-05:00

My youngest daughter, who has an interesting relationship with the English language, has a tendency to innocently utter statements that make me do a double take (see here). Her latest contributions:

"My teacher talked today about two Presidents who were related- Teddy and Franklin Rosenfeld."
Upon meeting my cousin, who lives in Florida: "Does he know that he's your cousin?"
Asking about her babysitter: "Is my servant coming tomorrow?"
Looking disdainfully at her brother, who was behaving silly: "I don't think we have the same DNA."

Is Unequal Always Unfair?

2009-12-14T14:14:00.003-05:00

A recent conversation with a friend of mine has gotten me thinking:
To what extent do parents have to ensure that they treat all of their children equally? If child #1 received a car when he turned 18, does that mean that all of his siblings should also receive a car upon turning 18? If my friend buys her older daughter a fancy present for her birthday, is she necessarily obligated to do the same for her younger sister? How important is this to our children? And does "unequal" always mean "unfair"?

Chanukah For The Children

2009-12-11T08:09:00.003-05:00

My grandmother used to say that Pesach is "for the children". I beg to differ. Pesach is an instrument of torture, designed by a vengeful god to torment well-meaning Jewish women.

Chanukah, on the other hand, is a totally cool holiday. It comes to us during the coldest, darkest season and literally lights up our homes and our hearts. Preparing for Chanukah does not take unreasonable amounts of time, effort, or money. And it's full of stuff that kids love: candles, songs, games, presents, sweet treats... what could be better? Chanukah truly is "for the children". So, to get you started on having a very happy Chanukah, SuperRaizy presents her favorite Chanukah song, sung first by a group of happy Israeli teenagers, and then by a little girl who knows most of the words and has the cutest American accent ever:

Happy Chanukah!!!

I Have Abandoned Thee, Oh Blog Of Mine

2009-12-09T18:33:00.004-05:00

It's been nearly two weeks since I've signed into SuperRaizy. I suffer from an odd form of lifestyle ADD*** that's been getting worse as I get older and crankier. From time to time, I suddenly decide that I've had enough of a particular aspect of my life, and I just "check out" of that activity for a while. Over the past few years, I have spent days (sometimes weeks) ignoring my nails, the laundry, job-related paperwork, my mother, that weird smell that was emanating from the trash cans outside, my increasingly gray roots, utility bills, and my children, among other things. This time, my blog bit it.

While I was gone, Tesyaa nominated me for a "Heartfeld Blogger Award". That was very flattering, and I would like to offer a Heartfelt Apology to Tesyaa for not responding to her kind gesture sooner. I'm supposed to pass the award along to another blog that "makes me feel comfy or warm inside", and for me, that would be I'll Call Baila. Baila's life is so similar to mine (same age as me, 3 teenagers, a job working with developmentally disabled children, too much housework and not enough time) that reading her posts (especially the exasperated ones) feels like listening to a neighbor. Ok, so we live on different continents, (but she used to live in NY and I used to live in Israel) and she has a husband and a dog (but I used to have a husband and a dog). Doesn't matter. She's a chick after my own heart. So here you go Baila, here's your Heartfelt Blogger award. If I ever make it back to Israel, I'll be knocking on your door with a box of Dunkin Donuts and a big bottle of Diet Coke.

***this is an entirely made-up term

Five Fun And Useless Thanksgiving Facts

2009-11-25T23:45:00.005-05:00

1) The average person consumes 4,500 calories on Thanksgiving Day. (that's nearly twice as many calories as an adult male should consume in a day)

2) Israelis eat more turkey per year per capita than any other nation. (about 12 kg.)

3) Turkeys are known to spend the night in trees. (really? how bizarre)

4) Turkeys can have heart attacks. (Dozens of turkeys dropped dead of heart attacks when U.S. Air Force planes broke the sound barrier nearby.)

5) Contrary to popular belief, the Pilgrims did not have big buckles on their clothing, shoes, or hats. Buckles did not come into fashion until the late 1600s (about 50 years after the first Thanksgiving feast in 1621.)

Ain't It The Truth

2009-11-23T18:03:00.003-05:00

Received via e-mail: (author unknown)

A United States Marine was attending some college courses between assignments. He had completed missions in Iraq and Afghanistan . One of the courses had a professor who was an avowed atheist, and a member of the ACLU. One day the professor shocked the class when he came in. He looked to the ceiling and flatly stated, "GOD if you are real then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you exactly 15 minutes." The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop.
Ten minutes went by and the professor proclaimed, "Here I am GOD, I'm still waiting." It got down to the last couple of minutes when the Marine got out of his chair, went up to the professor, and cold-cocked him, knocking him off the platform. The professor was out cold. The Marine went back to his seat and sat there, silently. The other students were shocked and stunned, and sat there looking on in silence.
The professor eventually came to, noticeably shaken, looked at the Marine and asked, "What in the world is the matter with you? Why did you do that?" The Marine calmly replied, "GOD was too busy today protecting America 's soldiers who are protecting your right to say stupid stuff and act like an idiot. So He sent me." The classroom erupted in cheers.

Nachas Post

2009-11-20T11:36:00.002-05:00

My son Flash and his teammates kicked ass this week in their first College Bowl meet, defeating four other yeshiva high schools and answering questions that no one else knew. (Flash nailed his first question: Who invented basketball? Apparently, everyone knows who supposedly invented baseball- Abner Doubleday- but honestly, who on earth knows who invented basketball?! Moreover, who on earth cares? Well, apparently Flash does.)
I was so glad that he had fun at the meet. It took me more than two years to convince him to join an extracurricular activity (he's really smart, but really lazy). Now he's talking about joining the varsity basketball team next year. It's nice to see him taking risks for a change.

2009-11-18T09:06:00.002-05:00

Now, I am NOT a big fan of Sarah Palin. I was so disappointed and disgusted by the way that she blew her chance to be the first female VP by repeatedly displaying ignorance, arrogance, and selfishness during the presidential campaign. I think that she has proven herself to be a political joke, and is no longer worthy of our attention and respect.

BUT...

For Newsweek to choose THIS picture of her for their cover this week is inappropriate, humiliating, and blatantly sexist. Plenty of male politicians have proven themselves to be jokes as well, but I have never seen a half-clothed "sexy" picture of any of them on the cover of a national newsmagazine. Sarah Palin posed for this picture for an issue of "Runners World" magazine. In that context, this picture would be appropriate. But not for Newsweek.

"Tis The Season... For A Swine Flu Shot"

2009-11-18T08:57:00.002-05:00

My favorite line: "They're little petri dishes there, sitting on our laps"

Sharing The Love

2009-11-12T16:35:00.002-05:00

Material Maidel has very kindly invited me to join her team at Kosher Cuisine. Click on over there to see my first (and may I say, brilliant) birthday party post.

On Veteran's Day

2009-11-11T16:04:00.004-05:00

Veterans of Foreign Wars National Honor Guard wait for Veterans Day ceremony to begin earlier today at Arlington National cemetery in Virginia.
(photo from MSNBC.com)

There is no way to adequately thank the men and women of the U.S. Armed Forces who safeguard our country and our liberty. We can, however, add them to our prayers in the hope that God will keep them safe and grant them success. We owe them at least that much.

Chick Clicks

2009-11-11T08:10:00.003-05:00

A few links that may be of particular interest to the females out there (although the men are of course free to click as well):

Hadassah is having a giveaway for a free $25 box of surprise Hair Accessories from CoverYourHair.com. To enter, click on over to Hadassah's blog.
Leora has posted a list of delicious soups that you may want to try.
Conversations in Klal brings up some important things to think about before leaving your children with a babysitter.
New mom Lizrael is discovering how difficult it is to juggle her job and her baby at the same time.
Webgirl writes honestly about the pain of dealing with infertility.

Hey Lady! Keep Your Pants On!

2009-11-08T22:55:00.003-05:00

Imagine being able to try on clothes without having to undress at all:

How much fun would that be?!

Happy Day, Sad Day

2009-11-07T21:18:00.003-05:00

I was blessed this afternoon with a visit from my beautiful niece and her new baby boy. He's only two months old, and so sweet and happy and alert. What a pleasure it was to hold him and rock him to sleep and make funny noises at him. I even got to sing the national anthem to him (an old trick that I discovered years ago. Cranky babies find the Star Spangled Banner to be very soothing, if you sing it low and slow.) It's been so long since I've had a chance to play with a newborn. What a pleasure.

But then, after Shabbat, I got a phone call from my mother. She had flown to Los Angeles with her sister to be with their ailing brother. My mother hadn't seen her brother in a long time, and was shocked by how sick he is. The doctors have said that he has only days to live. My mother was sobbing so hard she could barely choke out the words. There was nothing I could do to help from so far away, so I just held onto the phone, listening to her cry, and crying along with her. I was touched to see my youngest daughter staring at me with tears in her eyes. I was worried about my mother, and she was worried about hers.

I pray that my uncle will recover, but I know that is just not possible anymore. So all I can do now is hope that my mother and my aunt will get through this heartbreaking time together.

And The Parent Of The Year Award Goes To...

2009-10-27T22:20:00.003-04:00

...this guy:

Learning How To Give A D'var Torah

2009-10-27T07:49:00.003-04:00

Last week, the Rabbi of our shul asked my son Flash to deliver a short d'var torah on the Parsha during the seudah shlishi meal. (A d'var torah is a brief explanation and analysis of a character or event in the Bible.) Flash agreed, but he was nervous about it. (Perfectly understandable, I think. It's not easy for a 15 year old boy to stand up and speak in front of his Rabbi and thirty other men.) Trying to help, I showed him Ilana-Davita's parsha post and suggested that he use the question that she raises there as a starting point for developing his own d'var torah. He liked the idea, and sat down with an open chumash to begin writing it. After just a few minutes, he began asking me for help. I realized that this child, who has spent 11 years learning in yeshiva, had no idea how to construct a two minute d'var torah on his own. I ended up walking him step by step through the process.
Then today, I see that The Rebbetzin's Husband has posted about this very topic. He observes that "...many people have difficulty with this task; their knowledge, their sense of homiletic structure, or their available time may not be up to the task". He tells us that over the years, many people have come up to him to ask for help with developing a d'var torah. I'm sure that the majority of those people were adults and not adolescent boys.
And so I have to ask: Why on earth don't the boys' yeshivahs teach their students this basic skill? There is really no excuse for a smart, well educated boy like Flash to have such difficulty composing a two minute speech about the weekly parsha on his own. I remember how nervous he felt trying to put together a d'var torah for his Bar Mitzvah two years ago. (I ended up helping him then too, of course.) At the time, I assumed that it was a normal part of the general anxiety felt by Bar Mitzvah boys everywhere. But now I see that it is simply a skill that has not been taught to him, which is really unfortunate, because it is boys like him who are or should be the future leaders of our congregations.
I think that it would be a good idea for every yeshivah to implement a program in which 7th and 8th graders are taught how to research, construct, and deliver a short d'var torah. This can be done formally or informally, as part of the preparation for their Bar Mitzvahs. This skill should be reinforced in the high schools and in our local shuls, where boys can be given occasional opportunities to deliver divrei torah on Shabbos or at special events. If we encourage our sons to snap out of "passive spectator" mode and become active contributing members of our shuls at a young age, they are more likely to stick around as they get older.

(And what about our girls, you ask? That's a topic for another day.)

Exciting and Important Activities? Yeah, Right.

2009-10-22T15:06:00.000-04:00

Because I haven't really posted at all this month, you would think that I've been oh-so-busy with all kinds of exciting and important activities. Well, you would be wrong. I'm a 41 year old cash-deprived mother with a low energy level and no car. I don't think I can even properly define the word "exciting" anymore.

So what's been keeping me so busy that I couldn't even find time to blog? Damned if I know. The days just seemed to run away from me a bit. I've been doing some reading (real books! real ones! like with pages and stuff!), cleaning out closets (always a guaranteed good time), and trying to cook healthier meals for my two older children (my little one continues to eat only carbs and cheese, no matter what I try to prepare for her). I also spent some time with two friends, one whom I haven't seen in a few months, and one whom I haven't seen at all since college who called me and wanted to reconnect.

Meanwhile, my house has become Teenage Central. My overly generous sister bought my kids Rock Band for X-Box, and my walls are ringing with screechy, off-key versions of "Eye of the Tiger" and some song about wearing your pajamas all day. Facebook, instant messaging, and ringing cellphones are our constant companions. Acne has made itself at home here, despite the use of four different topical skin treatments. And Supermangirl (not yet 11 years old) announced suddenly last week "Hey Mommy, guess what? I have hair growing out of my armpits!" (what a proud day that was!)

Also, Wonderwoman is turning 13 in a few days (I coulda sworn that she's been 13 for years already). Because she's in 8th grade, I'm back in "looking for a high school" mode. Unfortunately, her grades are rather problematic (diplomatic parent-speak for "lousy") and I can't be completely sure that she's going to get accepted into her first choice. So we have chosen 4 different schools to apply to, none of which are in Brooklyn. For the next 4 consecutive Sunday mornings we will be attending those schools' Open Houses for prospective students. Whoo-hoo!

I hope that you guys have been busy with the kinds of exciting and important activities that seem to elude me. I'll be coming 'round your blogs to check up on you. Don't disappoint me now!

Sorry For The Silence

2009-10-13T19:01:00.003-04:00

I apologize for the lack of posting.
All is well, I just haven't had much extra time lately.
I hope to be back soon!

Hebrew/English Talking Dolls

2009-09-30T22:42:00.002-04:00

Look at these adorable dolls that I found:

David and Sarah are part of the "Language Littles" doll collection. I just bought the David Doll as a gift for my niece's new baby boy. When you squeeze the doll's hand, he says one of 25 pre-recorded phrases in Hebrew and English in the cutest little voice you've ever heard. (We couldn't stop ourselves. We kept squeezing his hand to hear him say "Hello/Shalom" and "I like to play with games/Ani ohev l'sachek b'mischakim".) Each doll is soft and cuddly and about 16" tall. They're great for teaching American kids how to speak Hebrew, and for teaching Israeli kids how to speak English.
They're a bit expensive, though. A number of online retailers sell them. The cheapest price that I could find was $32.50 at Tickatoo (use coupon code sale10 to get 10% off the price). I bought mine there, but I see that now they are out of stock. Instead, try Oytoys or Dolls Like Me, both of whom have it in stock for $36.95.

Reflections On Friends Who Lived To Tell

2009-09-25T07:51:00.003-04:00

My friend Bonnie Samotin Zev has written a beautiful article for the Jewish Journal entitled Reflections on Friends Who Lived to Tell. Bonnie worked at the Shoah Foundation in Los Angeles for nearly ten years, and met hundreds of Holocaust survivors who allowed the organization to tape their testimonies for future generations. She tells us about a few of those treasured friends, and pays tribute to a special woman named Silvia Grohs-Martin, a former actress, singer, and dancer who had joined the Dutch Resistance, survived the concentration camps, and wrote a memoir about her experiences.

Please take a moment to read the article. If you'd like, you can leave comments for Bonnie here and I will forward them to her.

Self-Indulgent Acceptance Speech

2009-09-23T16:15:00.004-04:00

Thank you so much to Prof K at Conversations in Klal for nominating me for a Kreative Blogger award! It means a lot to me coming from her. I am a bit in awe of how prolific she is. She presents well reasoned, well written, and thoughtful analysis about the issues facing our communities- and she does this every day, despite what sounds like a heavy teaching load and homemaking responsibilities. Also, she's a professor, which is very cool and slightly intimidating.

The problem is that the award comes with a lot of responsibility. I need to do lots of things with the number 7, like list 7 things that are interesting about me, nominate 7 other bloggers, link to each of them, notify each of them... good lord, I'm exhausted just thinking about it. (Even God found the number 7 to be exhausting. He worked for 6 days, but on that 7th day- well, he just crashed on the celestial sofa with a Diet Coke and a People magazine.)

So I'm going to break the rules. I'm going to hog all the glory (I won an award!!! I'm awesome!!!) and ignore all the responsibilities (kind of like, well, a man). Considering the fact that the name of the award is completely misspelled, I don't feel too guilty about going outside the box on this one.

What's The Worst Thing You've Ever Said To Your Children?

2009-09-22T08:17:00.002-04:00

Ahem. I'll go first:

(While sitting around the dinner table, watching them scarf down half a paycheck's worth of food in one sitting, and desperately trying to "balance" my checkbook with non-existent funds):

"I've figured out what the problem is. I have three children, but I can really only afford two. One of you has got to go."

Let's see you top that.

Dip Ya Apple In Da Honey Like Dis

2009-09-17T23:40:00.002-04:00

Thank God for YouTube. Otherwise, how would we wish our friends a Shana Tova?

Hope you all have a happy and sweet New Year!!!

How Amazing Is This?

2009-09-17T08:26:00.002-04:00

Take a look at what was discovered at an archaeological dig in Israel recently:

This is a gemstone carving of Alexander the Great that was found at Tel Dor, on the Mediterranean coast. It dates back 2,300 years to the reign of Alexander. The colors and attention to detail make this a beautiful piece of art. Most amazing of all is that the gem measures less than half an inch long and a quarter inch wide! It was probably worn on a ring by a wealthy resident of the area. It is very rare to find such a tiny piece in such beautiful condition. The gemstone was found by an American student volunteering at the dig, and according to the chief archaeologist, it is priceless.

It seems that we have barely begun to uncover all the beauty that can be found in the Land of Israel.

Looking For a Link?

2009-09-15T22:30:00.006-04:00

Because we all don't spend enough time on the computer already, here are some links that will help you avoid real life for a few more minutes:

A widowed father discusses raising his 4 year old princess by himself

Kate Gosselin has finally got a new hairdo

Hogwarts is coming to Florida!

Rosh Hashana, Circa 1919

The Jewish Federation is sponsoring a "Jewish Community Heroes" contest: "The Jewish Community Hero Award honors those making strides to repair the world, starting in their own communities. Nominate someone in your community and come back often to vote for your favorite nominees... the Hero of the Year will be provided with $25,000 to be used as an investment in their community project." My vote is going to a local boy, Dani Klein, who's heading up 4 different projects designed to promote Jewish knowledge and Israel advocacy on college campuses and on the web.

Nobody Puts Baby In a Corner

2009-09-14T23:47:00.002-04:00

Patrick Swayze passed away today of pancreatic cancer at the young age of 57.
My friend's mother died of pancreatic cancer years ago. It is a merciless disease, which usually leaves its victims with little time to live. Swayze fought the disease for over a year and a half. We females of (ahem) a certain age remember Swayze best as the sexy, slightly sleazy Johnny Castle of Dirty Dancing fame. He wore tight leather pants, had a working class accent, and danced like an angel. Baby wasn't the only one who got swept off her feet.

Dirty dancing final Patrick Swayze
by laetitoumi

"The Only Thing Missing Here Are The Residents... The Jews"

2009-09-14T08:15:00.003-04:00

A look at how a group of former residents refuse to abandon the home that they were forced to evacuate, the yishuv of Chomesh in the West Bank:
click here for video

Remembering Shimmy Biegeleisen a"h

2009-09-11T13:53:00.004-04:00

For a very moving tribute to Mr. Shimmy Biegeleisen a"h, who was taken from his family on Sept. 11, 2001, please click here.
Yehi zichro baruch... may his memory be blessed.

Remembering Katherine on 9-11

2009-09-11T07:27:00.005-04:00

Project 2,996 is an annual effort by bloggers around the world to remember the 2,996 victims of the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks. Many people, particularly here in New York, lost family, friends, colleagues, or acquaintances on that terrible day. It goes without saying that we will always remember them. But what about the victims that we didn't know personally? What about those who only enter our consciousness as a name read aloud during the annual memorial services? In order to help us remember those people properly, Project 2,996 assigns each blogger with the name of one person to research and write about. I was asked to remember Katherine S. Wolf. Unfortunately, there is little information available about her on the Internet. This is what I did find out:

Katherine Wolf was a classically trained pianist from the United Kingdom. Born in Wales, she developed a love for music early on. There is an audio recording of a 3 year old Katherine telling her parents that she would like to sing "All Things Bright and Beautiful". As an adult, Katerine became a piano accompanist for the Philbeach Society, which was an amateur operetta group that performed in London.
In 1988, Katherine moved to New York, where she met her husband, Charles Wolf, a member of the Village Light Opera Group that was presenting a joint production with Katherine's operetta group. Charles remembers telling a colleague "Who is that woman? I have got to get to know her."
Charles and Katherine made their home together in New York, where Katherine worked at Schroders, a British asset management company in midtown Manhattan. In August 2001, she started a new job at Marsh & McLennan, a financial services firm located on the 97th floor of 1 World Trade Center. She lost her life there just three weeks later.
On Marsh & Mclennan's memorial website, Katherine is remembered by her niece, her cousin, and her friends. Her cousin, Sian Jones, wrote, "We in England knew a different, gentler and simpler Katherine than did her American friends."
On Legacy. Com, Katherine's colleagues and friends wrote: "Your sweet smile and very quiet way made such an impression on me"... "Katherine was one of those people who's good nature I'll always remember"... "I will never forget the kind assistance Katherine so willing gave to me when I first joined Schroders, I would have been lost without her"... "It was a pleasure to meet the person who so completely captured my cousin Charlie's heart"... "She was a talented pianist and a very sweet person"... "I now feel that I have a great friend in Heaven".

School Stress

2009-09-09T22:44:00.003-04:00

The kids are finally back in school.

When I asked Flash if he was ready for the first day of school, he said "yeah, I got a pen".

Wonderwoman is already experiencing significant anxiety that "I'm going to fail everything and then you'll be mad at me."

Supermangirl reported that her new halachah rebbe is nice but not too smart because "he seems to think that there are two Torahs" (a subsequent investigation revealed that he was trying to teach them about the Written Torah and the Oral Torah).

Meanwhile, those lovely first-day-of-school notes tell me that I owe a combined total of $570 to the 3 schools for things like lice checks, locker fees, van transportation, a Purim chagigah that's still six months away, etc. (please don't ask me to break it down for you because it will make me cry.)

Be sure to watch this space for frequent updates as my blood pressure continues to climb.

Israel Pavilion At Upcoming World Expo

2009-09-08T21:39:00.003-04:00

Virtual Tour of Israel Pavilion at 2010 World Expo in China:
from the World Expo Blog
hat tip: e-mail from my Tante

Israel at World Expo 2010 from World Expo Blog on Vimeo.

Join Bad4 As She Flies to Israel

2009-09-08T11:10:00.004-04:00

BadforShidduchim has begun live-blogging today's Nefesh B'Nefesh flight to Israel. As usual, her posts are descriptive and funny and engaging. Definitely worth a few minutes of your time.

Go there and be sure to scroll down to catch all of her posts.

Big Sister Is Watching Us

2009-09-06T08:07:00.004-04:00

Wonderwoman: "Ma, they cancelled our blog!"

Me: "What do you mean?"

Wonderwoman: "Our CIT blog. Look- someone deleted it!"

A group of Wonderwoman's CIT (counselors in training) friends from a local day camp had started a group blog so that they could keep in touch after the summer ended. This is an all-girls, Bais Yaakov style camp, and the blog posts were completely innocuous and innocent ("I miss you guys soooo much! Camp was so much fun!"). It turns out that one of the girls invited their former counselor to join, and this counselor called the director of the day camp and told her that the girls had started a blog. The director then asked the counselor for the URL and password, and deleted the entire blog without warning.

I was really taken aback. The director had no right to do this. Camp had ended, these girls were no longer "her campers" and the blog name did not even include the name of the camp. Wonderwoman did not want me to call the director or to get involved in any way, so I did nothing. But this act of "Big Sister" censorship really ticked me off.

Jesus and Madonna in the Holy Land

2009-08-30T22:27:00.005-04:00

The holiest city in Judaism was treated to an extra dose of kedusha today when the world's most famous Kabbalist visited the Old City of Jerusalem.

Madonna (also known in her own mind as Esther) is in Israel this week to perform the final two shows of her worldwide "Sticky and Sweet" concert tour (such a heilige name). The lucky residents of Eretz Yisroel will be able to see Rebbetzin M. strike the following tzniusdik poses:

The Material Girl, never one to put gashmiut ahead of ruchniut, made sure to visit the Kotel, where she received a private tour of the underground tunnels while protected by a heavy police guard (Rejoice Oh Israel! Your tax money is being used wisely!)

Of course, such an illustrious faux Jewess must be accorded the highest respect that the Israeli government can offer. And so, both former Foreign Minister Tzipi Livni and Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu are scheduled to meet privately with Madonna this week. It is not known whether her boyfriend Jesus (yes, I swear that's his name) will join them.

Should We Pay Kids For Being Good Students?

2009-08-28T01:00:00.003-04:00

YD over at Adventures In Chinuch has posted an interesting question:
Should teachers give out money to students who do well in class?
In his latest post, he asks:
"One of the hardest undertakings for a high school teacher is to create a viable system of rewards for students... The best motivator out there has got to be money. So why not bring in a stack of bills or a roll or quarters, or just keep a list of how much money each kid earns and pay them off at the end of the month? A quarter for a right answer, a buck for behaving for a few periods. Why not?"
We've been discussing the idea in his comments section, but I'd like to know what the teachers and parents out there think. Please click on over to YD's post and add your thoughts to the comments there.

The Understatement of The Year

2009-08-26T17:31:00.005-04:00

I was corresponding with the esteemed Jameel yesterday about an unrelated (and unimportant) matter when he signed off by saying:
"Anyway - must run (will explain later)"

Today, I discover that his lovely wife Jameela has added a new baby boy to the Muqata clan.

And I am left a bit breathless with only two things to say:

1) You "must run"? Really, dude? But why?

2) Mazal Tov on the birth of your new son! May he grow up to be a happy, healthy, successful Jameelionaire.

Because Baila's Been There And Done That

2009-08-26T16:36:00.003-04:00

Stephen Leavitt of Webads has sent all of us bloggers an e-mail urging us to nominate a fellow blogger to fly to Israel on September 7 on a Nefesh B'Nefesh flight and report back about some of the brave souls who have decided to start their lives anew in Israel. To him I say:

Steve, my good man. Have I got a girl for you! She's smart, she's articulate, she's compassionate, and most of all- she's a living, breathing advertisement for Nefesh B'Nefesh.
The very brave Baila first arrived in Israel on the September 2007 NBN flight along with her handsome husband Isaac and her three charming young daughters. They left their family, friends, and comfortable Long Island neighborhood behind, which (as any oleh can tell you) is devastatingly difficult to do.
Since then, Baila and her clan have successfully faced the challenges of settling into a new home, a new neighborhood, new jobs and new schools; making friends with people whose cultural background is way different from theirs; dealing with the absence of Target stores (Jameel will explain it to you); learning how to roll their tongues when making the raish sound; and developing an intense love for their new country while coping with the heartbreak of being so far away from the people that they love in their old one.
If I were an excited, scared, nervous new oleh boarding my flight to Israel, whom would I want sitting next to me? Someone who I could talk to, who would listen and understand and sympathize and reassure me that it's going to be all right. Someone who's been there and done that and made it through to the other side.
Those poor people are scared enough as it is, Steve. Show them some compassion. Send Baila over with them to help ease their way.

Ready or Not...

2009-08-23T20:41:00.008-04:00

I haven't been posting much lately, primarily because the August heat is making both my body and my mind feel very sluggish. I don't tolerate heat and humidity well at all. I sweat a lot, even in the air conditioning, and it really saps my energy. I find that I get very little accomplished during the summer. When the weather cools down in September, I start to feel alive again. This weekend, however, I experienced a few small "shocks to the system" that reminded me that life moves inexorably forward, regardless of whether or not my mind is ready for it.

At the bris of my niece's new son, I looked at my beautiful young sister and realized that she is now a grandmother.

My teenage son revealed to me that he had met his first love over the summer.

I found out that my ex-husband had recently gotten remarried.

I realized that my 12 year old daughter is now taller than my mother is.

I feel like I'm standing still while the world rushes right past me.

Flash Is Back!

2009-08-20T22:04:00.002-04:00

Flash came home tonight and OMG he's so tall and thin and tanned and handsome! He looks really terrific. He had a great time working upstate and made a bunch of new friends and didn't really want to come home at all but is too much of a gentleman to actually say that to my face. I was just so happy to see him.
I know we have to let go of our kids sometimes, but honestly, it feels so good when they come back.

Torn Between Two Feelings

2009-08-16T09:15:00.000-04:00

I am so very very happy to announce that my sweet lovely niece (whose wedding I wrote about here) has given birth to the world's most beautiful baby boy. He is the first great-grandchild to be born on both sides of the family, and we are all so excited and relieved and completely thrilled that he is here. I ran to the hospital to see him just hours after he was born.

Yesterday, while still on a emotional high, I discovered that a girl that I had gone to school with had passed away last year after suffering from cancer. I had always liked this girl, and although we had not been in touch after graduating, I did run into her about three years ago at the park. She had been so happy to see me, had proudly introduced me to her husband and children, and greeted my children with a big smile. My shock and sadness at hearing about her death was overwhelming. She was far too young to be taken from her family, and was such a truly good, kind person. The injustice of her death takes my breath away.

So here I am this morning, feeling both extremely happy and terribly sad. Yes, I know, God gives and God takes away. I am very grateful for what God has given our family, but I am very distressed at what he has taken away from another, equally deserving, family.

A Million Just Ain't What It Used To Be

2009-08-13T21:00:00.003-04:00

This guy won $1 million in a New York lottery, but that works out to only $31,191 a year after taxes. That's a nice chunk of cash, but it's certainly not life-changing. (It doesn't even cover a year's worth of yeshiva tuition for 3 or 4 kids.)
When we were kids we used to play "what would you do with a million dollars?" I would always give "the Elmer Fudd answer": I wanted a mansion and a yacht.

Trippin' and Guilt Trippin'

2009-08-11T22:42:00.005-04:00

{SO TIRED}
Just picked up Supermangirl (10:15 PM) from a "late night" trip courtesy of her day camp.
And Wonderwoman has to be at day camp tomorrow morning at 7:20 to leave for her overnight trip. She will be returning on Thursday at midnight. Of course there is no bus service at those times, so the parents must drop off and pick up their kids.
I always wonder if the camp administrators that schedule these trips ever stop to think just how much they're inconveniencing parents by requiring these early drop offs and way-too-late pickups. For me, it's a matter of leaving one daughter home alone sleeping while I go pick up the other one (I do it, but it makes me nervous). For other families, it can mean dragging babies or toddlers out of the house late at night, or shlepping out at midnight when you have to be up at 5:00 the next morning.
And of course, you can't complain about it, because the answer is always, "Oh, but the children have so much fun! You don't want to take that away from your daughter, do you?" Yeah, lady, I'm a mean old ogre who cares about myself more than I care about my kid. Thanks for the guilt trip.

Best Dinner Ever!

2009-08-09T21:14:00.001-04:00

I just had a salmon nicoise salad for the first time. Oh my God, it is SO good. Why has no one ever told me this before?!?

Pretty Cool, Flash

2009-08-09T16:57:00.004-04:00

Wonderwoman has gone to spend the weekend at the same bungalow colony where my son Flash is currently working. She and her brother have not seen each other in almost 6 weeks. (Keep in mind that both children have declared countless times in the past that they do not love each other at all.)
About an hour before Shabbat, the phone rings, and it is Wonderwoman calling to tell me that she has arrived safely. I ask her if she has seen her brother yet. She answers, laughing: "Yes, he's right here, and you won't believe it! When he saw me, he actually smiled and hugged me! How did you get him to do that from so far away?"
"It had nothing to do with me" I tell her. "He did that on his own."
"Well, it was pretty cool." she said.
I couldn't agree more.

Southerners Can Be Very Polite

2009-08-06T21:46:00.004-04:00

Another politically incorrect, yet funny joke received via e-mail:

ATLANTA AIRPORT -
Atlanta Air Traffic Control:
Tower to Saudi Air 511 -- "You are cleared to land eastbound on runway 9R."
Saudi Air: "Thank you Atlanta ATC. Acknowledge cleared to land on infidel's runway 9R - Allah be Praised."
Atlanta ATC: "Tower to Iran Air 711 --You are cleared to land westbound on runway 9R."
Iran Air: "Thank you Atlanta ATC. We are cleared to land on infidel's runway 9R. - Allah is Great."
Pause...
Saudi Air: " ATLANTA ATC - ATLANTA ATC- YOU HAVE CLEARED BOTH OUR AIRCRAFTS FOR THE SAME RUNWAY GOING IN OPPOSITE DIRECTIONS. WE ARE ON A COLLISION COURSE.. INSTRUCTIONS, PLEASE."
Atlanta ATC: "Well bless your hearts. And praise Jesus. Y'all be careful now and tell Allah "hey" for us -- "

They're Leaving On A Jet Plane...

2009-08-04T21:36:00.004-04:00

American journalists Laura Ling and Euna Lee, who were arrested in North Korea and sentenced to 12 years of hard labor, have left North Korea with Bill Clinton, who met with Kim Jong Il and secured their release earlier today.
There is a lot of speculation as to why Kim was willing to grant Clinton's request to pardon the women when he had rebuffed all previous attempts by the U.S. to win their release.
I have no idea what transpired behind the scenes or how Clinton managed to pull this off. All I know is that the Israeli government should put him on a plane to Gaza immediately to see if he can bring Gilad Shalit back home...

7 Things I Love

2009-08-04T15:35:00.000-04:00

It seems that the dragon-loving MAK of Frum In South Florida has tagged me to do a "7 things meme".
I'm not real big on memes, but this one doesn't look too hard, so I'll give it a shot.
Here goes:

7 Things I Love:

1) I love my children. (That's a no-brainer.)
2) I love my children despite the fact that raising them has cost me my youth, my energy, countless amounts of money, annd most of my sanity.
3) I love that I can write horrible things like #2 above on my blog and there is no one standing in front of me glaring at me disapprovingly (I can't hear what you're thinking right now, which is probably for the best.)
4) I love to read. I love quiet rooms. I love to read in a quiet room. (Now ask me how often that actually happens. Go ahead, ask me. I dare you.)
5) I love the first day of spring and the first day of autumn but pretty much hate all the other days of the year, weather-wise.
6) I love kicking off my shoes and stretching my toes when I get home. (My father used to joke that he would buy tight shoes on purpose because taking them off at night would feel so good.)
7) I love reality TV. I love how utterly and completely insane all the people on those shows are. They get drunk, they spit at each other, they ramble on and on incoherently. What could be better? It's pure entertainment.

Thus concludes what is probably the most hostile entry ever in meme history.

Help Wanted Ads That Crack Me Up

2009-08-02T11:10:00.001-04:00

I love reading the help wanted ads on Craigslist, particularly the "domestic" ads for babysitters and housekeepers. Some of the ads are perfectly reasonable, but some are so over the top and demonstrate how demanding, spoiled, and self indulgent rich people can be sometimes.
I read them aloud and laugh, which just gives Flash another reason to think that I'm a bit strange.
My all time favorite was one I saw about a year ago. The parents were looking for a FOURTH nanny (to "assist" the three that they already had). The ad reassured applicants not to worry about being overwhelmed, because they also employed 2 full time housekeepers, a part time chef, a driver, and a gardener. The best part? The couple only had 2 children. That's a total of nine employees to service a family of four.
A close runner up is this ad, which I have edited for brevity (the original was even longer and included some Personal Assistant duties as well):
"Looking for a warm, enthusiastic, and creative Nanny for energetic seven year old.
Duties: -organizing playdates, extracurricular activities, and keeping track of Lindsay’s calendar. -maintaining the organization and cleanliness of Lindsay’s room and play area, ultimately teaching Lindsay how to keep her personal space tidy. -supervising playdates and outings -accompanying the family on vacation -occasionally preparing meals for Lindsay -organizing and maintaining Lindsay’s closet: spot treatment, ironing, light washing at times, sending clothes to the cleaner etc. -providing enthusiastic companionship. Lindsay enjoys having someone who will engage in arts and crafts projects, card games, building blocks, etc. -support and instruction in regards to school work and homework. The right nanny for Lindsay will be patient, kind, and innovative. You should be highly organized and able to multi-task. Creativity is pivotal, as is flexibility in regards to growing responsibility and changing hours (particularly during vacations). Lindsay needs a nanny who can foster her development in school not only through help with school work, but also through positive reinforcement. A background in education is preferred but not required for the right individual. Personal development is also key. You should be able to provide structure, clear rules and expectations of behavior, in a manner that is positive and encouraging. You should be energetic and able to keep up with a seven year old throughout the day. You should be a strong swimmer, enjoy outdoor activity/athletics, and arts and crafts. You must be an experienced driver with a valid license. Proficiency in French, Spanish, or Chinese is a plus. Above all, you should have the ability to effectively and respectfully communicate and, of course, love children."

I'm not sure why, but among all that nonsense, "maintaining Lindsay's closet" makes me laugh the hardest. I would SO love to meet Lindsay 10 years from now, as her parents struggle to understand why their precious daughter to whom they have given everything has turned out to be a sullen, spoiled teenager with no motivation and no sense of personal responsibility.
As it is, I will be left to wonder forever whether or not Lindsay "ultimately" learned how "to keep her personal space tidy".

Wishing You All An Easy Tisha B'Av Fast

2009-07-29T10:07:00.001-04:00

So, How Are The Kids?

2009-07-29T09:51:00.003-04:00

They're doing well, thank you.
Flash is really enjoying himself upstate. He works as a junior counselor until 4:00 every day, and then his time is his own. He eats dinner together with all the other counselors, and then they watch a movie, go swimming, play basketball, or just hang out and talk. He seems to like the other kids that he's met there, and he definitely seems to be enjoying his independence.
Wonderwoman is back from her month at sleep away camp. She absolutely loved it. The night she came home, she actually cried for two hours because "I miss my friends and I want to go back to camp!" I had to rock her to sleep to get her to stop crying! The next day she declared herself "completely depressed" and kept sighing heavily and throwing herself onto the couch. She's since cheered up and is now happily "working" as a CIT in a day camp here.
Supermangirl is enjoying day camp and is definitely enjoying the slower pace of summer life.
This is turning out to be a good summer for us and I am so glad. Hopefully we'll be able to start the new school year relaxed and ready to go.
So how is your summer going?

Too Nauseated To Blog

2009-07-24T08:50:00.000-04:00

To anyone who may have stopped by over the past two weeks and found nothing new to read... I apologize for the lack of posts. I did sign in a few times, intending to post, but could not bring myself to write anything. I simply felt too sick to my stomach. The barrage of news stories about bad things being done to and being done by various Jewish people has been so overwhelming that I honestly feel physically sick just thinking about it.

A Jewish mother starves her baby nearly to death and gets arrested, leading hundreds of other Jews to riot and set fires and attack other Jews in the streets of Jerusalem. A Jewish family is humiliated by an anti-Semitic policeman at a German airport. Two Jewish babies die tragically, one in Deal and one in Ramat Eshkol. The "burqa Mom" of Bet Shemesh is convicted of child abuse. Jewish camps and bungalow colonies in Upstate NY refuse to cooperate with local authorities who are trying to enforce building safety regulations, thereby endangering the lives of their children and creating an inexcusable Chillul Hashem. Israeli Border Police and Jewish settlers in the West Bank prepare to square off against each other. A New York Congressman who has always portrayed himself as the Jewish boy-next-door gets engaged to a Muslim woman. And now of course, the fabulous news that 5 prominent and respected Rabbis and a bunch of other Jewish men have been arrested by the FBI for money laundering, tax evasion, and illegal trafficking in human organs.

I'm not overly sensitive. It's enough to make anyone sick.

L.I. Girl's High School Closed Due To Lack Of Funding

2009-07-07T16:39:00.006-04:00

Update: The parent body of Shalhevet has agreed to cover the school's $150,000 deficit, thereby enabling the school to open in September for a second year.

The Jewish Star is reporting that Shalhevet High School of Cedarhurst, Long Island is closing after just one year because its affiliated schools do not have enough money coming in to continue to fund it.
That's a big disappointment. Shalhevet showed real promise of developing into an excellent school, and I was seriously considering sending Wonderwoman there in two years.
I truly hope that this is not a sign of things to come.

How A Ten Year Old Shows Her Love

2009-07-05T22:26:00.002-04:00

Despite the fact that I really hate to celebrate my birthday (it just gives me no pleasure at all; I know that's strange, but it's the truth), my good-hearted daughter Supermangirl wanted to "do something special" for me last week. So she locked herself in her room for 30 minutes and hatched a plan to make me happy by giving me all of my favorite things.
These included:
a cheese sandwich ("because everyone likes cheese")
ten pictures that she removed from our photo album ("so you could see what your life has been like")
a picture she drew of SpongeBob Squarepants (no explanation necessary)
and $2.68 in pennies ("this is all the money I have in the world and I want you to have it")
Best damn birthday present I ever got.

2009-07-03T13:40:00.006-04:00

Happy July 4th!!!

In keeping with the tradition of giving credit where credit is due, I'd like to give a special shout out to three historic dudes who helped make this wonderful country possible:

Ben, George, & Thomas

Enjoy your barbeques and fireworks, everyone!

A Summary Of The News...For Dumb People

2009-07-01T18:55:00.003-04:00

For those of you who live here in the States, you may be feeling confused or overwhelmed by the nonstop, 24-hour coverage of all the Very Important Things that have happened here over the past week. Thank God that that the news outlets have been providing us with enough in-depth analysis, "exclusive late-breaking reports', celebrity and talking head interviews, and medical and legal experts to help us make sense of it all. But for anyone out there who feels that he/she could benefit from some simplification, SuperRaizy is proud to present:

A Summary of the News... For Dumb People
1) Michael Jackson has died. Died. D-I-E-D. (Did you hear me? Should I repeat it?)
2) We are all endlessly sad, shocked, and devastated that Michael Jackson has died.
3) The following people are particularly sad, shocked, and devastated that Michael Jackson has died: Elizabeth Taylor, Liza Minelli, Deepak Chopra, Marlon Brando's son, Corey Feldman (WTF?), and Rabbi Shmuely Boteach (who I hear is currently in Iceland for some reason.)
4) The following people are pretending to be sad, shocked, and devastated but really aren't: the doctor who gave him Demerol shots every day for no reason and thus probably caused him to go into cardiac arrest; the plastic surgeon who made millions chopping off Jackson's nose and who might be the biological father of two of his children; Joe Jackson, who doesn't seem to be the least perturbed that his son has just died; and the Reverend Al Sharpton, who keeps appearing on CNN despite the fact he has no connection to this story whatsoever.
*****Are you still with me, people?*****
5) Before he died, Jackson was emaciated, weak, and bald. Or maybe he was upbeat, optimistic, and in great shape. He left behind an enormous fortune. Or maybe he left behind enormous debt. His family is united in their grief and want to protect and raise his children. Or maybe they are fractured and fighting and only want custody of the kids so they can control his estate.
6) The man has been dead for almost a full week and he has still not been buried. He looked so ghastly and frightening when he was alive, can you imagine what he looks like now?
7) Oh, yeah. Some other stuff happened this week, too. Something about Bernie Madoff being sentenced, a coup in Honduras, fighting in Afghanistan, an important Supreme Court decision, yada yada yada. And some other famous people died too. And I think that the Governor of South Carolina might have done something that he wasn't supposed to do. But I'm not really sure.

Be Good Be Smart Be Safe Behave

2009-06-29T16:15:00.002-04:00

And they're off!
My kids, that is. Well, two of them, anyway.
Flash is spending the summer working as a counselor at an MO bungalow colony in upstate NY, and Wonderwoman is spending three weeks at a girls camp in Pennsylvania.
The past week was crazy, full of shopping, labeling, packing, and... talking.
This is the first time that either child has been away from home for so long, and so I gave them all the standard Mommy lectures. Behave yourself. Follow the rules. Keep yourself and your surroundings clean. Watch your mouth and treat others with respect. Don't forget to write.
That pretty much covered it for Wonderwoman. She's in a safe, highly supervised, religious environment. But Flash, who's 15, will be living in "the counselor's bungalow", along with a bunch of other dopey teenagers and a much lower level of supervision. He'll be around kids who are older than him, kids who may have different value systems, and- the dreaded G word- girls. Lots more opportunity to get into trouble there.
Now, I trust Flash a lot. If I didn't, I wouldn't have let him go. He's a smart, respectful, responsible kid who's pretty good at telling right from wrong and sticking to his guns when he needs to. And there are rules for the counselors- no girls in the boy's bungalow and vice versa, a reasonable curfew, no leaving the colony without permission, and a zero tolerance policy for drugs, alcohol, and cigarettes. AND my good friend is at the colony with her family, and she has promised to keep an eye on him as well.
But still. As much as I trust Flash, he's still a teenage boy, and even the brightest teenage boy can be a real doofus sometimes. So he was the lucky recipient of even more Mommy lectures, about drinking and smoking and girls and peer pressure and making smart decisions and staying out of trouble. And he listened to it all so patiently.
And then it was time for him to leave. As I gave him an enormous hug, he whispered in my ear, "Any last words of wisdom, Ma?" For a moment, words failed me. And then I whispered back, "Be good. Be smart. Be safe. Behave." He kissed me and walked out the door. At the last minute, I realized that I forgot to say "Be happy." But it's OK. He knows that, too.

"All Our Icons Are Dying"

2009-06-25T20:24:00.002-04:00

The phone rang about an hour ago.
I picked it up and heard my friend's voice saying "Raizy, all our childhood icons are dying."
"I know", I said. "I heard about Farrah Fawcett."
She hesitated. "Michael Jackson just died, too."
I gasped. "Get outta here. Really?"
"Yes", she said. "What do you think that means?"
"I think it means that we're old and are also rapidly hurtling towards death."
"No way", she snorted. "I'm not hurtling anywhere."
Good for her, I guess. But we're all hurtling, whether she likes it or not.

It Makes Me Sad When Blond Women Die

2009-06-25T16:10:00.004-04:00

I feel so sad that Farrah Fawcett died.
I also felt so sad when Anna Nicole Smith and Natasha Richardson died.

Is that strange?

A Mom's Ode to Sleepaway Camp (Non-Rhyming)

2009-06-23T22:11:00.005-04:00

Packing the kids up for camp.
Have bought dozens and dozens of pairs of socks.
Dufflebags litter the floor.
I am labeling things in my sleep.

The time, the effort, the expense
(Oh! the cursed expense!)
Is it worth it for a mere few weeks of solitude?
You bet your ass it is.

Ilana Davita's Mesorah Project

2009-06-21T09:58:00.004-04:00

Ilana-Davita has very kindly posted my submission to her Mesorah Project.
To learn more about the Mesorah Project and to submit an essay, go here.

The Daily Show Visits Iran

2009-06-18T15:31:00.002-04:00

I apologize for the advertisement at the beginning of the clip- I don't know how to get rid of it.

This is very funny:

Old Jokes That Still Make Me Laugh

2009-06-17T23:33:00.002-04:00

Received via e-mail:
(With apologies to the unknown author from whom this was plagiarized)

10 Things You Didn't Learn In Hebrew School:
1) The High Holidays have absolutely nothing to do with marijuana.
2) A shmata is a dress that your husband's ex is wearing.
3) One mitzvah can change the world; two will just make you tired.
4) Anything worth saying is worth repeating a thousand times.
5) Never leave a restaurant empty-handed.
6) Always whisper the names of diseases.
7) If it tastes good, it's probably not kosher.
8) The important Jewish holidays are the ones on which alternate side of the street parking is suspended.
9) If you have to ask the price, you can't afford it. But if you can afford it, make sure to tell everyone what you paid.
10) If it's nobody's business, you can be sure that everybody already knows about it.

Lookin' For Greener Pastures

2009-06-15T19:01:00.004-04:00

Wanna know how the OU's Emerging Communities Fair (i.e. "The Out Of Town Fair") went? Check out the coverage over at The Rebbetzin's Husband, The NY Times, and the OU's own comic-strip version.

In the weeks leading up to the fair, the OU was criticized by some for encouraging people to relocate from NY/NJ to other Diaspora communities. The effort would be better spent, said the critics, encouraging people to move to Israel instead. To me, that's like comparing apples to oranges. Moving from one American city to another is nothing like moving from chutz la'aretz to Israel. The latter requires so much more idealism, dedication, stamina, effort, time and money. Not everyone is able or willing to undertake aliyah. For those who are, Nefesh B'Nefesh stands ready to help. For those who aren't, I think that it is perfectly proper for the OU to help them resettle elsewhere in the U.S.

Netanyahu Endorses Palestinian State?!?!

2009-06-14T19:11:00.002-04:00

Prime Minister Netanyahu announced today that he was willing to accept the existence of a Palestinian state adjacent to Israel if the following conditions are met:

They would have to recognize Israel as a Jewish state and give up the claim that Palestinian refugees have a right to return to Israeli land.
Jerusalem would remain united and would always be the capital of Israel.
Jewish "settlements" in the West Bank would remain and could continue to expand.
Most importantly- the Palestinian state would have to be completely demilitarized.

Smart move, if you ask me. Netanyahu knows full well that the Arabs would never agree to those conditions, particularly the part about giving up their weapons. So he scores some headlines, comes across as a moderate in the eyes of the West, appeases the Obama administration a bit, and successfully pisses off the Arabs even more (which I suspect is Bibi's most-fun-thing-to-do).
Sure enough, that's exactly what happened. Right after Netanyahu's announcement, the Obama administration called the speech "an important step forward", Saeb Erekat said, "Netanyahu's speech closed the door to permanent status negotiations," and Hamas (the world's standard bearers of tolerance and respect) called the speech racist.

So we know what the Americans and the Arabs think about the announcement. Now I'd like to hear what the Jewish blogosphere thinks about it.
Let it rip, guys.

Donor Drive for Young Boy

2009-06-12T08:49:00.000-04:00

From time to time I try to bring attention to a child or adult who is ill and in need of a bone marrow transplant. Donating bone marrow is a rather simple procedure that can save someone's life. If you will be in the New York area on June 18, please consider attending the donor drive for 12 year old Asher, who is suffering from leukemia. Testing involves a quick cheek swab, and it can mean the difference between life or death for a young boy.
Date: June 18, 2009
Time: 4:00-9:00
Place: The Brandeis School
25 Frost Lane
Lawrence, N.Y. 11559
For information, directions, or to make a financial
donation, call Mark Silfen at 917-723-4866.

Wishing you all a Shabbat Shalom!

Two Issues: One Silly, One Serious

2009-06-11T07:11:00.004-04:00

A minor uproar erupted yesterday over this picture of President Obama putting his feet up on his desk while talking on the phone to Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu. Apparently, many Israelis (and some Jews outside of Israel) feel that by putting his feet up and showing the soles of his shoes, Obama was insulting Israelis and asserting his superiority over Netanyahu. One news article from AOL stated that "It is considered an insult in the Arab world to show the sole of your shoe to someone. It is not a Jewish custom necessarily, but Israel feels enough a part of the Middle East after 60 years to be insulted too." (Seriously? Have Israelis really adopted this purely Arab way of thinking?) I think that this is the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Obama didn't "show the sole of his shoe" to Netanyahu- they were on the phone. There are countless pictures of Obama putting his feet up on his desk, on coffee tables, while riding in airplanes- it seems to be his default "comfort position". And Americans don't think like that. I don't believe that this photo was intended to be anything other than what it is- simply a picture of the President talking on the phone.

On the other hand, the AOL article also contains this alarming bit of information: "Israel's Channel One TV reported that Netanyahu was told Tuesday by an "American official" in Jerusalem that, "We are going to change the world. Please, don't interfere." The report said Netanyahu's aides interpreted this as a "threat." Please don't interfere? The source of this quote was not cited, but I find it hard to believe that any high ranking representative of the American government would be so stupid and undiplomatic as to tell the Prime Minister of Israel to butt out of any decisions that would involve the Middle East.
I like Obama; I voted for Obama. I felt (and still do) that he is a fair minded man that is honestly interested in generating positive changes in this world. But if this is going to be the administration's official position regarding Israel, then I will be the first one to hit the streets in protest. The problem is, I don't know if this "official" was speaking for the administration or just shooting off his mouth, but I would sure like to know. As far as I can tell, no one from the White House or the State Department has confirmed or denied that this statement was made. In the meantime, I think that we need to watch this situation carefully. It's very nice that the Obama administration wants to change the world, but they can't do it unilaterally. It's not just their world.

Rabbi Joke

2009-06-09T08:18:00.004-04:00

Received via e-mail:
A grateful Jewish congregation honors its Rabbi for 25 years of exemplary service by sending him to Hawaii for a week, all expenses paid.
When the good Rabbi walks into his hotel room, he finds a beautiful nude woman lying on the bed. She greets the Rabbi with "Hi Rabbi, I'm a little something extra that the President of the Temple arranged for you."
The Rabbi is furious. He picks up the phone, calls the President of the Temple and shouts, "I am the moral leader of our religious community! I am very angry with you and you have not heard the end of this!"
Hearing this, the naked woman gets up and starts to get dressed. The Rabbi turns to her and asks, " Where are you going? I'm not angry with you."

It's Sunday. Yay.

2009-06-07T07:14:00.006-04:00

When I was a kid, I used to love Sundays. There was no school (yay!), I could sleep as late as I wanted to (yay!), I could watch TV all morning (yay!), and there was always something fun to do in the afternoon (movies! bowling! yay!) and sometimes my parents let me bring a friend (double yay!)
Now that I'm an adult, my Sundays look something like this:
I don't have to go to work (yay!) But my kids are home from school (yay? umm, no, not really)
I have hours and hours to get stuff done (yay!)... like laundry, cleaning, bill paying, and paperwork (not yay).
But I don't actually have hours and hours, because the aforementioned children are soooo booored and want me to take them someplace fun (like the movies or bowling) and pleeeeease can they bring a friend? which means that now I don't have the time to get stuff done nor the money to engage in the aforementioned bill paying.
Many Sundays (like today) there's a family party or dinner to attend at my sister's or my aunt's house. Which means I have to shop for and prepare a dish to bring to the party. (yay)
So now, instead of waking up Sunday morning thinking "It's Sunday! yay!" I wake up thinking "It's Sunday? I better get up! I have soooo much to do!"
So forgive me if the exclamation points have fallen off of my yays.

Here are some easy-to-read links to help you ease into your Sunday:

As the city of Tel Aviv begins to celebrate its 100th birthday, Reuters recommends spending a weekend there: How To Spend A Couple Of Days In Tel Aviv

The NY Times has an article about bloggers who abandon their blog when it fails to meet their expectations: Blogs Falling In An Empty Forest (clever name!)

A Sweet Tip

2009-06-05T11:04:00.002-04:00

The Mars company (creators of M&Ms, Milky Way, and Twix) is giving away coupons for free chocolate bars today to the first 250,000 who click here.
Nothin' not to like about that.

Hat tip: Money Saving Mom

"It Was Like We Were Cousins"

2009-06-03T17:40:00.003-04:00

The kids and I were lucky enough to be invited to spend Shavuot weekend with my best friend V and her family at their vacation home in a beach town a few hundred miles away. (V lives in another state, about a five hour drive from my home. I wrote about V previously here.) It was wonderful to get away, and even more wonderful for me to be able to spend some time with V and just talk and joke around. Probably the best part of the weekend, however, was watching our children hang out together. V has 3 children who are the same age as my 3 children, and they have always gotten along well on the few occasions that they have been together. This time, spending four whole days together really gave them a chance to bond, and they had a blast, laughing and teasing each other as they played cards and games, went swimming, and visited the haunted house at an amusement park. On the way home, I asked my daughter if she enjoyed hanging out with V's kids. "It was great", she said. "We had so much fun together. It was like we were cousins or something."

God Is The Best Shadchan Of All

2009-05-25T21:26:00.002-04:00

Bad for Shidduchim has some terrific stories about how some people have "accidentally" found their one-and onlies:
Where To Find A Date: Case Studies

I once heard the following story:
An 18 year old American girl was spending the year in Israel. An older Israeli woman whom she had befriended kept mentioning that there was an Israeli man she knew who was just wonderful and would make a terrific match for the girl. The girl felt that she was nowhere near ready to get married, so she kept refusing the woman's offer to set them up. One day, feeling bored, the girl took a walk on the beach and met three handsome Israeli men. She really liked one of them, and they began dating. The relationship quickly grew serious, and they began to talk about getting engaged. The girl brought her boyfriend to meet her older friend. The moment that they walked in the door, the woman cried out "This is the boy that I wanted to set you up with!"
The couple has been happily married now for 25 years.

Schools Close Due to Swine Flu

2009-05-25T11:38:00.002-04:00

Here in Brooklyn, four yeshivas and one Jewish day care center have announced that they are closing for the week because of either suspected or confirmed cases of swine flu among their student bodies. None of these schools were ordered to close by the Department of Health. In each case, the school's administration made the decision independently. Whether or not these closings are really necessary or are an overreaction, it seems to me that the administrators should be acknowledged for putting the safety of their students and staff above the schools' innate desire to avoid any unpleasant publicity.
In a community where every action is scrutinized, criticized, misinterpreted and gossiped about; a community where Rosh Yeshivas have ignored known incidents of sexual abuse of children; a community where students and their parents are routinely pressured to avoid any act that might be deemed to make the school "look bad" in the eyes of others; in this overcrowded, insular, internally divided frum community that we have set up here, it seems to me that we should appreciate the caution and integrity of the schools that have placed the welfare of their students first.

All Is Groovy

2009-05-22T13:27:00.003-04:00

As a single person, I've gotten used to going places alone and taking care of errands by myself.
But my son had off from school today, so I asked him to go to the library with me.
It was so nice to have the company.
As an added bonus, I saw a woman that I work with, so I had an opportunity to introduce Flash to her and proudly say, "This is my son".
So right now I'm feelin' groovy.

I Shouldn't Have Answered The Phone

2009-05-21T08:17:00.002-04:00

I woke up early this morning and had time to check the news.
I was going to write about the attempt by four Black Muslims to blow up a synagogue and a Jewish community center in Riverdale that was (thank God) thwarted by the FBI.
I was going to write about the SKA girl in the Five Towns who has recovered from swine flu.
I was going to write about the surprise we felt last night when the wrong guy was voted the winner in American Idol.
And I was going to tell you about the woman from Louisiana who discovered her long-lost brother living across the street from her.
But then the phone rang. And I made the stupid mistake of picking it up.
It was my ex-mother in law, of course. I should have known. She always calls in the morning. With the seven hour time difference between NY and Tel Aviv, my morning is her afternoon, and she calls from work so that she doesn't have to pay for the call.
I know that she means well. She wants to check in, hear that everything's OK, and talk to the kids. After all, she's still their grandmother, blah blah blah. But it's been 9 years since she's seen my kids. Despite numerous invitations she has never gotten on a plane and come to visit her grandchildren (and let me just say that I think it was very generous of me to invite her, considering the circumstances). She used to send them some crap that she picked up from the shuk in Ramle twice a year, but that's stopped. She knows (because I've told her) that her precious son has not seen, spoken to, or supported his children in any way for over 5 years. She has done nothing (as far as I know) to change that, nor has she ever once asked me if we have what we need or offered any help (and yes, there is money in that family). She and her family did not attend Flash's Bar Mitzvah nor did they send him a present. When I or one of the kids have asked which country my ex-husband is currently living in, she wouldn't give a straight answer. All she does is call us, complain that we don't call her, complain that I'm not sending the kids to Israel to go visit her, complain that my kids don't speak fluent Hebrew and therefore find it difficult to talk to her...
I suppose she's a nice enough woman, but she drives me crazy.
And for hours after she calls, I can't think about anything else.

Interesting Website For Jewish Teachers

2009-05-19T08:23:00.002-04:00

Mofet JTEC Online is a portal that contains information and links of interest to Jewish teachers in Israel and North America. It is run by the Mofet Institute, which was established in 1983 by the Israeli Department of Teacher Education. It seems to be updated daily. Some of the topics featured today include the use of interactive whiteboards, addressing body image and eating disorders, a new program for North American college graduates called the Israel Teacher Corps, and an O.U. proposal to reduce yeshiva tutition that was presented in Los Angeles.
I'm impressed by the variety of current information and resources that this site offers. If you are involved in Jewish education, whether as a professional or as a parent, you may find it interesting as well.