I am the only Jewish woman I know who has not yet begun cleaning for Pesach (other than my Mom, who, if you mention the word Pesach to her, will look at you quizzically and shake her head as if she's never heard the word before. Let's call her the Supreme Goddess of De Nial.)
I don't like Pesach. I don't like the hysteria that precedes it. I don't like the ludicrously high prices that we pay for food that tastes terrible anyway. I don't like tiptoeing around the house in the dark, looking for 10 pieces of bread that I "hid" only minutes earlier. I don't like the second seder, which is easily the dumbest custom we have. (The first seder is nice, the family gets together and everyone has fun. But to do the exact same thing over again the very next night? I always feel so stupid, especially when I realize that 7 million Jews in Israel do not have to make a second seder. What are we trying to prove? That we're somehow holier than they are?) I really, really don't like "three day yomtovs" which are an endless cycle of preparing food that hungry children do not find satisfying. And after eight (or nine, or ten) full days of hearing "Mommy, I'm hungry!" and "Mommy, I'm bored!" I am SO ready to send everyone back to school. But wouldn't you know it, even after the holiday is over, the kids still have one more day off from school. It is, after all, "Isru Chag" (another stupid custom created to torture women.)
So. Every year I tell myself that this year will be different. This year, I will not have to make Pesach. This year, I can enjoy the onset of spring without worrying about all this mishagoss (craziness).
But wouldn't you know it, every year, I turn out to be wrong. But not this year. This year, there will be no Pesach. And I'm willing to bet my crown on it.
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