Last night I was tired and cranky and I had a headache. And I took it out on my children. My son said something slightly annoying, and I blew up. I started yelling at him about God knows what, and at my daughters who had the misfortune to walk into the room at just the wrong time. After ranting about nothing for a solid two minutes, I realized that I was acting insane and left the room to cool down.
Just when I was starting to feel really guilty for my ridiculous behavior, my son came in.
"Mommy, are you OK?"
"Yes."
"I'm sorry."
"You have nothing to be sorry for. You didn't do anything wrong."
Silence. Then- "Ma, can I ask you something?"
"What?"
"Are you going through a midlife crisis?"
This morning, I apologized to him and to his sisters. And then I went to the supermarket and bought them a big bag of chocolate bars.
Well, what would you have done?
Halacha Headlines: 12/21/24 – Shiur 494 – How to not lose our children –
and ourselves – to peer pressure (audio)
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2 hours ago
14 comments:
sounds like your a great mother, your kids are very lucky!
Don't feel bad, we're all human. A similar scenario happened in our home once, with one difference. No "midlife crisis" questions here, but my kids commented that "Mommy sounds like she could use some ice cream", and then proceeded to bring me some. :)
BTW..apologizing to the kids, with or without the chocolate on top, reinforces that even grownups can make mistakes and they shouldn't be afraid to admit it or to say sorry. Definitely a good thing to learn as they grow up.
Thank you both for finding something positive in such a negative incident. It helps relieve the guilt.
No one should feel guilty about loosing it sometimes in my opinion. If we hold it inside it will only get worse. I get chest pains when Im so stressed because Im biting my lip. But recently when it 'all came out' I felt no stress, just release.
I feel the best thing to do is take outbursts constructively and work out what was going on for you to get to that point and then work out what can be done for it not to happen again.
Like Eees said, "we're all human"
best wishes to you SuperRaizy
Guy (at midlife with five children ! ) at Discoveraid.com
SuperRaizy, it's sounds like you showed them that it wasn't them, it was you feeling stressed. Happens to me more with my daughter than with my sons, who are older (and it used to happen more with my sons when they were younger).
When you're not stressed, you can talk to them about what they do when they are stressed or how they react to your being cranky.
If it was a "midlife crisis", I would guess that means this doesn't happen very often in your house? So it was just a little surprising to your kids.
so what did you buy for yourself
chocolate bars always seem to work when apologizing to kids!
I think I had my first midlife crisis when my oldest was three.
Numerous have followed, but as they get older, and I do (now really ripe for that crisis...), I am able to know the signs and to warn myself (and them) and remove myself before I lose it.
And I always apologize if I'm in the wrong.
Your kids are very lucky to have you.
Well, what would you have done?
The big bag of chocolates was only for the kids?! Now that's really ridiculous behavior...
So now they know that their mom is human, that when she does something that hurts them they will get an apology, and that it's OK to admit it when you did the wrong thing.
Now that's good parenting! But I agree, get yourself a little something. This may also be your signal that you need some pampering.
I miss my kids.
But one little thing, try not to reward/apologize with calories.
To those of you who suggested that I share in the chocolate- you wouldn't say that if you saw me. I'm overweight enough as it is.
muse-
I totally hear you. I really never use food as a reward, and I try hard to serve healthy food in my house. None of my kids have a weight problem (my girls are downright skinny). This was an exception.
And call your kids. I bet they miss you too.
Now I feel really bad since it seems that I blow up at my kids all the time. Found a great solution though - disovered Rescue Remedy. I think I will be going through that herbal remedy weekly.
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