(With apologies to the unknown author from whom this was plagiarized)
10 Things You Didn't Learn In Hebrew School:
1) The High Holidays have absolutely nothing to do with marijuana.
2) A shmata is a dress that your husband's ex is wearing.
3) One mitzvah can change the world; two will just make you tired.
4) Anything worth saying is worth repeating a thousand times.
5) Never leave a restaurant empty-handed.
6) Always whisper the names of diseases.
7) If it tastes good, it's probably not kosher.
8) The important Jewish holidays are the ones on which alternate side of the street parking is suspended.
9) If you have to ask the price, you can't afford it. But if you can afford it, make sure to tell everyone what you paid.
10) If it's nobody's business, you can be sure that everybody already knows about it.