Wednesday, June 25, 2008

My Midlife Crisis, Revisited

Uh-oh.
It looks like Flash was right when he asked me if I am going through a midlife crisis.
I answered the questions in this quiz, and apparently I have a lot (although not all) of the symptoms.
My 40th birthday is next week. While I'm not flipping out about turning 40, neither am I happy about it.
On the one hand, I realize that I am enormously blessed and I am so grateful for the love of my children, my family, and my friends.
On the other hand, I feel bored and restless and weighed down by my responsibilities, and I can't seem to find a practical outlet for my boredom (hence the blog, maybe?)
On the one hand, I recognize that I am lucky to have the material possessions that I have, and that I am able to work in a career that I enjoy.
On the other hand, supporting myself and 3 children on a teacher's salary is nearly impossible, and I am constantly submerged in financial worries.
On the one hand, I am healthy even though I don't take care of myself properly.
On the other hand, I am overweight and my once-beautiful hair is looking all funky and middle-aged.
On the one hand, raising my beautiful children gives my life purpose and meaning and joy.
On the other hand, sometimes I wish that I could be free to do as I please without having to put the needs of others first.
On the one hand-
Oh, man. To paraphrase Tevye, how many freakin' hands do I have anyway?
Somebody please tell me that I'm not crazy, and that there are other people who feel this way too.

10 comments:

The Babysitter said...

At least you first recognize the good, that is a good thing. Along with everything comes pros and cons, its the way you look at it.

ilanadavita said...

Don't worry, you are not alone. There was an article in the OU Shabbat Shalom a few months ago about the sandwich generation (btw growing kids and aging parents) and a lot of it was quite relevant.
What do you teach (and where) if I may ask?

RR said...

Since there's a hand theme happening here, I'll just raise mine :-)

I can TOTALLY relate.

ProfK said...

You are totally not alone in your crisis. But it might make you feel better to know that the crisis sort of acts like a stubborn strep bug. You kill it and it keeps away for a while and then resurfaces. You'll have days and days when it will leave you totally alone. Enjoy them when you get them.

Chaya Bluma said...

You're not crazy. I wasn't thrilled about turning 40 this year either. But I've found telling people I'm 50 helps. Suddenly I look great for my age!

SuperRaizy said...

Thanks all for the encouraging words.

Garnel Ironheart said...

Everything you've noted about your life is important.
And as our lives settle into a pattern, for better or worse, the sameness of every day leads to this kind of reflection.
When that happens to mean, I list off what I don't have:
1) I don't have contaminated water coming out of my taps that I can't drink unless I boil it in iodine for an hour.
2) I don't have people screaming "dirty Jew" at me as I walk down the street.
3) I don't have to worry that my job won't be around tomorrow morning.
4) I don't have a chronic medical condition.
5) I don't have to sleep in a bomb shelter because of war.
6) I don't have to worry about what I say in public for fear of some secret police carting me off to a concentration camp.

In other words, my boring, same-day life is pretty darn excellent!
And from what you've writen, so's yours.

SuperRaizy said...

garnel-
You're right, of course. And I know that. It just feels good to kvetch every once in a while.

Garnel Ironheart said...

Hang on then,

You mean that picture on your webpage isn't really you?!

Anonymous said...

I'm not even closing in on 40 yet, but I'm a single mom and I feel that way all the time. Bored and restless pretty much sum it up for me. Nothing terrible is going on, but nothing particularly exciting happens either.